I had originally planned to name this post "from the sublime to the disgusting" and my first hour in Thailand certainly backed this up. I flew into Phuket airport (Phuket is an island to the West of the Thai mainland) and grabbed a taxi which charged me about 3 times the normal price. That in itself is not a problem as it always takes a day or two to get used to a country's prices. The problem though was the driver. Half way through the trip he tried to double the price saying that I have "big money". I politely said no. He then got aggressive. I tried to calm him down. He got more aggressive. He then screeched on the brakes and chucked me out of the taxi on the middle of the motorway. Well, let's just say the red mist descended at this point. You don't mess with a Dobias already in a mood after having said goodbye to his family. I started to scream at him, then promised him I was going straight to the police. He started laughing, but soon stopped when it became clear I had memorised all his personal details written on the dashboard inside the car. His face turning white he puts my bag back in his car and drives me to Patong. In a little victory for the git though he takes me to entirely the wrong end of Patong, resulting in a good 2 kilometer walk with all my bags in the baking heat.
I arrive at the hostel absolutely soaking and in a terrible mood. The hostel owners though were absolutely lovely and before I knew it they had sat me down, taken off my T-shirt and were rubbing me with cold towels to cool me down. They then show me to my dorm which I found to my disappointment was empty. Here I was in a new country with no chance of meeting anybody, having just left the twin paradises of family and five star accommodation. Not happy!
Little did I know though how great that day would actually turn out to be. Within the hour, loads of people checked into the hostel/returned from days out, all of whom were really talkative and friendly. We all went out to dinner together (I had a Massaman Curry) and then checked out Patong's nightlife.
Now it just so happens that Patong is one of the seediest places in Thailand, itself one of the world's seediest countries and the Bangla Road (Patong's main clubbing/drinking street) is the altar to this town's temple of filth. Naturally we had to have a look. The street was stuffed with prostitutes, cross-dressers and, most distressingly, a very old man wearing a large pair of comedy breasts fingering his nipples. My overwhelming feeling at this point was one of great sadness, both for all the poor people who I presume have been sucked into this trade through desperation and also for a paradise country like Thailand that has now become the plaything of lascivious elderly Western men.
We began with a few drinks in a live music venue. The American band was really good, but I had to question whether the owners really needed to intersperse pole-dancers between the tables. The dancers to my left and right were so utterly bored with their jobs that they looked like dancing robots, all movement and no expression; probably daydreaming of a better life. All around there were dirty old men (and, perhaps worse, dirty young men) grabbing these girls and negotiating prices.
Needless to say we didn't stay too long. We bar hopped for a while and then a few of our group suggested checking out a place they had been the night before. We entered this large warehouse full of hundreds of tiny open-air little bars arranged on a grid pattern (like a mini-metropolis of sin). Deep within we found a tiny bar they had already visited which was staffed by three Thai women. This was one of the few bars without pole dancers and I couldn't help but feel these women were somewhat more respectable than the others. The three of them acted like the life and soul of the party, plying us with drinks, dancing continuously and challenging us to all manner of bar games (I discovered that the drunker I get, the more proficient I am at Connect-4!). Even though we were having an amazing time, I was constantly reminded that this was all an act for our hosts - e.g. when I asked what their names were, they said it was none of my business.
(The women at each bar were very aggressive)
(Our bar)
Day 103
An upsettingly early wake-up and all of us from the night before left on an island-hopping excursion around the Phang Nga Bay called the "James Bond Tour"; so named because it culminated in a visit to Khow-Ping-Kan, the island where they filmed part of The Man With the Golden Gun. Not having known in advance we were doing this I had stupidly put all my acceptable swimming shorts in the wash the night before. All that was left alas were my skimpy ultra-revealing boxer-trunks that I bought in a fit of madness shortly before leaving England and have been too embarrassed to wear since. Rather fittingly though they were the ones worn by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, so there is a James Bond link. The day was spent canoeing and swimming between the various impossibly-vertical islands/meeting lots of interesting people in the process.
(me chillin' in the mangrove forest)
(our on-board buffet)
(Daniel Craig?)
(our merry band)
Another guy from the hostel and I had a Thai massage afterwards. Our masseuses were utterly hilarious and while all the laughter somewhat undermined the calming purpose of the massage, we were all the more happy for it.
That evening we all went out again, but this time in celebration of the birthday of a Thai friend called Pang some of them had made in Krabi. She took us to her favourite restaurant in Patong (it was very good) then we did some bar hopping and clubbing before ending up in a very authentic Thai kareoke bar in the very early hours of the morning. Some of the girls were singing Robbie Williams and Madonna, but in my drunken state I was convinced it would be a good idea to attempt to sing a Thai song even though I couldn't read the lyrics and didn't know a note. In the circumstances I thought I did rather well.
Day 104
Having forged a strong friendship a bunch of us decided to travel on to Koh Phi Phi Don Island (also known as just plain Phi Phi) together and boarded the morning ferry. We arrived to the picture perfect image of an island paradise. The sea was fluorescent turquoise (this is not a turn of phrase - it was actually nuclear green in tint), the sand was golden and the scenery was all palm-trees-draped-over-near-vertical-cliff-faces. Waiting for us at the ferry exit were the friends of one of our group, increasing our size yet further. It seemed crazy that only two days ago I feared I would spend my time in Thailand utterly alone.
That evening our ever-growing crowd sampled the island's nightlife (Phi Phi is known as The Party Island, which is quite an accolade in a land of party islands such as Thailand). For those who haven't yet visited Thailand, drinks here are sold by the bucket (and cute little multicoloured buckets they are too). Many such buckets were consumed that night. We ended up at a beach club called 'Slinky's' and had an absolutely amazing and crazy night of hedonistic abandonment. There was topless table dancing, drunk attempts at fire spinning (I did rather well), limbo contests, crowd-surfing - the full works. In one particularly fine moment I decided it would be fun to swing from one of the overhead lights. Alas health and safety isn't what it should be here and on putting my hand out I got rather electrocuted and was thrown convulsing to the floor. We were all too busy laughing though for me to consider the pain.
Now it still pains me to say this, but the photo above is the last one that will ever be taken from my camera. You can actually see the eyes of the camera close as it breathed its last electronic breath. I am waiting until I get to Nepal to have it serviced, so for the next two weeks I am relying on photos taken by others for the blog.
Day 105:
For what may be the first time in my trip, I spent a whole day doing nothing. Specifically, I spent an entire day sunbathing on the beach and swimming in the perfect waters of Phi Phi. What I love about Thailand is how free and easy it is to strike up conversation. I got chatting to people swimming in the sea, paddling in the surf, lying on the beach and eating in the cafes. Nearly everyone is English and I can't help but note how differently we all act back home. Here if a stranger strikes up conversation, you happily join in and end up spending weeks traveling together. Back home if a stranger taps me on the shoulder I will run a mile and probably shower a few times.
In the evening we went to a boxing match where drunk Westerners without any training whatsoever beat the crap out of each other. There was lots of blood and sweat. The highlight though was a little 5 year old Thai girl thrashing an older muscled boxer (obviously he was letting her win, but it was quite convincing).
Afterwards, where else but a return to Slinky!
Day 106:
Everywhere in Thailand has "The Excursion" - i.e. the local touristy day trip that everyone has to do at some point. Today's excursion was a good 8 hours of island-hopping, snorkeling and swimming. The weather began unbearably hot, but as the day progressed the storm clouds rolled in and we found ourselves wetter out of the water than within. The afternoon culminated with a trip to the tiny island hosting Maya Beach, famous as the scene of the beach from the film "The Beach" (this sentence has a few too many beaches in it). You can imagine why the film producers chose this place to reconstruct paradise.
(The beach from The Beach!)
(Eugh - we all began to feel seasick as the weather turned)
Afterwards we played some drinking games and ended up, where else, but Slinky's for the third night in a row!
Our last morning in Phi Phi was spent book-shopping and having one last walk around the island. It had been incredibly fun, but I don't know whether I would have had the strength to stay there any longer - you can have too much of a good thing. We grabbed an afternoon ferry and began the long journey from one side of Thailand to the other so as to arrive the following morning in Koh Tao.
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